How to Love When You’ve Been Hurt

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Mr. Incredible and I have had our share of miscommunication. However, I’ve been blessed with his patience as he talks me through issues that need addressing. For example, our weekend activities might be something that caters more to his interests than mine. Almost always, I never speak my mind for fear of rejection, and this leads me to believe that he doesn’t ever take an interest in what I consider fun. Because of this, Mr. Incredible often finds himself in a hurricane of emotions when I’ve bottled enough frustrations. I question my motivation to shapeshift to his lifestyle without much success. Are you seeing the problem now? Instead of clearly conveying the issue, I slink away. I understand the need for individuality in a relationship, but often, it’s more like 70% Mr. Incredible and 30% Abby. I was okay with that.

I question my motivation to shapeshift to his lifestyle without much success. Are you seeing the problem now? Instead of clearly conveying the issue, I slink away. I understand the need for individuality in a relationship, but often, it’s more like 70% Mr. Incredible and 30% Abby. I was okay with that.

Let’s rewind to a few years back. I was young, naive, and invincible. Heck, I moved from Los Angeles to Las Vegas without fear because I was with my first love. Fear was never in my vocabulary when I made a vow to my ex. Fast forward to a few years later, and we hardly spoke to each other. How can love turn the other cheek?

Let’s rewind a few years back. I was young, naive, and invincible. Heck, I moved from Los Angeles to Las Vegas without fear because I was with my first love. Fear was never in my vocabulary when I made a vow to my ex. Fast forward to a few years later, and we hardly spoke to each other. How can love turn the other cheek?

Perhaps I’m over-correcting my relationship with Mr. Incredible due to my past experiences. I’m so afraid to repeat my history as time effortlessly stole every ounce of my love. Luckily, he is two steps ahead of me, so when I think being I’m sly, he grounds me. It’s true, I shouldn’t keep my thoughts to myself as it sabotages us.

Now, I hope you find yourself comforted that you not alone in this journey. As you dive into the dating pool again, it’s normal to simultaneously feel immersed in trepidation and excitement. And if there’s anything I’m learning about my relationship now, it’s the following:

Be yourself. Your love took an interest in you for a reason. Whether it’s your raspy voice in the morning or the way you carry yourself in front of his family; the point is, he chose you. He’s not going to change his mind about you unless you give him a reason to think otherwise. By now, he understands your flaws better than yourself. Still, he finds you to be his perfect imperfection. So don’t be afraid to simply be yourself. After all, there’s nothing more seductive than a woman filled with confidence.

By now, he understands your flaws better than yourself. Still, he finds you to be his perfect imperfection. So don’t be afraid to simply be yourself. After all, there’s nothing more seductive than a woman filled with confidence.

Shove history aside. Your past may have been a whirlwind of conundrums. By now, you’ve learned from your mistakes and have a clear understanding of what you really want in a relationship. But, you’re very cautious about every move you take.

Inside, you believe every relationship will end the same fate as your past. With that in mind, you’re not giving yourself the ability to immerse in love. Don’t rob yourself of this pleasure because having a second chance is a gift. It’s pure ecstasy that you don’t want to miss. So if love presents itself to you, don’t dwell on your past.

Don’t sulk in negativity. Getting out of a long-term relationship is tough. Sometimes, you’ll find yourself trapped in memories both good and bad. After that, you’ll wonder what went wrong, and correct what’s not broken in your current relationship. For example, my ex never liked going for walks, and because my ex never liked doing that, Mr. Incredible must not like it either. After suggesting the idea to Mr. Incredible, he gets himself ready for the activity. I, on the other hand, refuses to believe he’s up for the plan, so I ask for confirmation. Twice.

Never let negativity engulf your relationship as it can show forms of distrust. It takes two to tango so dance to the beat of your love.

Let go of the little things. You’re both individual people with different upbringings. While you might have a long list of common interests, you’ll also have a similar one for differences. You’re not in a relationship to fix one another but to embrace your individuality. Trust me, fighting about the smallest things in life is not worth the pain when there’s lots of room for growth!

Laugh together. Take a slow Sunday morning together. Watch a show. Go out of town. Sing to a song, but in all things, laugh. Laugh because love gravitated you to be together. Laugh for no reason. Laugh at his cheesy jokes. Laugh because it’s contagious. And laugh because your laugh lines are more beautiful than frown lines!

Appreciate. Don’t take their efforts for granted. I once knew a couple who ended their relationship because both parties felt underappreciated. It got to the point where they thought they were giving their all; still, it was not enough. They couldn’t make each other happy anymore. Simple tasks became expectations, and when they were not met, it was a reason to fight.

In all things your love does for you, appreciate. Whether it’s paying for dinner or taking the trash out; these simple acts of kindness should never go unnoticed. Remember, you’re in a relationship to grow together.

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4 comments on “How to Love When You’ve Been Hurt”

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